Destroy the Pyramids!
At the end of the Twelfth Century AD the son and heir of Saladin, revered champion of Islam, was a man called al-Aziz Othman. With no crusaders on whom to expend his Muslim zeal, he determined to attack the monuments left by the "infidels" of previous ages and his beady (and no doubt rabid) eye fell on the largest of all those monuments, the pyramids of Gizeh. He determined to earn merit in Paradise by destroying them, but there was still a modicum of sanity left in his derranged brain. He ordered his workmen to start with the smallest of the pyramids which, unknown to him, had been built by Menkaure nearly 3,000 years previously.
Digging deep into his coffers, he hired a thousand workmen, equipped them with hammers, chisels, crowbars and vast quantities of rope, pointed to the pyramid and ordered, "There it is, boys. Level it with the ground!" (or words to that effect). Filled with holy joy, the multitude fell with enthusiasm on the ever-congenial task of destroying something and soon the Gizeh plateau echoed with the cries of "Allahu akhbar" and "Watch it, you clumsy idiot! You nearly had my head off with that hammer."
Alas, the infidels had built all too well, and the wild enthusiasm of the start soon gave way to a depressed plodding toil as wedges and levers were hammered in and heaved upon, ropes were fastened and broke, leaving long lines of fellahin to pick themselves up from the sand. Great was the rejoicing when the first stone was finally levered out of place to go crashing down the slope of the pyramid onto the sand beneath - and that was when the faces really lengthened, because the stone had just about buried itself in the sand and had to be excavated before it could be dragged away.
| |
| The gash in the side of Mycerinus' pyramid was caused by a thousand men labouring for eight months to destroy the unIslamic monument. |
Even when the despairing workmen resorted to more hammering and chiselling to break the fallen stone into pieces big enough to be put in a cart and carried away, it was still a soul-destroying task - or more likely a donkey-destroying task - to get it through the soft sand to the edge of the plateau where it was dumped.
Even with all one thousand men working at their hardest, they only managed to drag down and cart away two stones a day and, of course, anyone acquainted with Egyptian workmen will be only too aware that their hardest is a height to which they rarely soar. The result was that at the end of eight months the workmen had excavated a relatively minor gash in the side of the pyramid and at that point al-Aziz ran out of money or fanaticism or patience or something. The pyramids have remained untouched ever since apart from the unintended depredations of the tourist trade.
Now, however, another Muslim madman has appeared on the scene - and if prizes were to be awarded for the most evil-looking lunatic, this guy would be well in the running. His name is Murgan Salem al-Gohari and President Mubarak of Egypt very rightly put him in prison and threw away the key. Unfortunately prisons in Egypt can be remarkably porous and a little money goes a long way.
| |
| Murgan Salem al-Gohari, the Muslim fanatic who wants to destroy the historic riches of Egypt. |
Gohari got out and promptly travelled to Afghanistan where the misogynist, murderous Taliban were right up his street. Even better, when they ran out of women and children to murder, the Taliban turned their attention to the Buddhas of Bamian and Gohari enthusiastically participated in the vandalism of those ancient monuments.
It is a curious fact that one reason why Mullah Omar issued his fatwah against the statues was a drought that had affected the country for the previous six years. (Odd that Allah should send a drought just when the Taliban were making such wonderful progress by banning music, burning books and forcing everyone to wear proper Islamic beards - I think women were exempted from this last requirement, but as they were all forced to walk around with bags over their heads it is hard to be sure.)
The statues were duly destroyed, but alas, the heavens did not open and the drought continued unabated. Some six months later, after the Taliban had further pleased Allah by supporting al-Qaida in its attack on New York, the Americans arrived in force and took over the country, driving the Taliban out. Then, and not till then, did the much-needed rains arrive. It almost seems as though Allah is on the side of the Christians!
In 2007, finding Afghanistan no longer healthy, Gohari returned to the Middle East, where he was incautious enough to visit Syria. The Syrian security forces picked him up and President Assad, willing to do a friend a favour, returned him to Egypt.
Then came the Arab Spring. Those prisoners not released when the revolutionaries stormed the prisons were free to put forward their cases for judicial review and Gohari promptly took advantage of this new air of freedom. The judges, sensing which way the wind was blowing, immediately ordered him released without a stain on his character.
Gohari lost no time in cosying up to the new Salafist government, whose principles he found attractive. As Salafist supporters demonstrate in Tahrir Square demanding that Sharia Law be implemented in Egypt, Gohari gave an interview on Egyptina television in which he declared, "The idols and statutes that fill Egypt must be destroyed. Muslims are tasked with applying the teachings of Islam and removing these idols, just like we did in Afghanistan when we smashed the Buddha statues."
| |
| The carved wooden angels on the ceiling of Blythburgh church in Suffolk were damaged by Cromwell's iconoclastic Puritan soldiers. |
You and I rightly look askance at this bearded nutcase, but it is salutary to remember that all revolutions produce iconoclastic lunatics. Protestant mobs at the time of the Reformation destroyed priceless works of art in churches and monasteries; Henry VIII left a legacy of ruined monasteries across the length and breadth of England when he broke with Rome and Oliver Cromwell's Puritans did their best to match the old lecher, with vandalised churches everywhere they went.
It isn't just religious fanatics who have a poor record when it comes to smashing things. From the devastation of France's cultural heritage carried out by Revolutionaries, through the massive vandalism by atheist communists in Russia, to the wide-spread destruction by Mao's Red Guards in China, atheists and secularists have just as bad as the most fanatical Christian or Muslim.
The problem isn't any particular religion or ideology; the problem is human nature. Some people are just plain kill-joys with a genetic bent towards seeing everything in black-and-white and a constitutional hatred of anything joyous or pleasurable.
As a life-long practising Christian, I have never been able to understand why some - Christians as well as Muslims - are opposed to music. God has given us the ability to sing and to hear and appreciate music, so why deny His gift? God has given us the ability to create works of art - painting, sculture, poetry, dance - why not use it?
Like all God's gifts, music and art can be misused to demean and debase, but where that is not the case I think it likely that God is as offended if we neglect His gifts as we would be if a birthday present was thrown away unopened.
Unfortunately, what al-Aziz could not do with a thousand workmen, one mad Muslim with a case of explosives might be able to do and Egypt's Coalition to Support Tourism is duly perturbed by Gohari's threats. Ihab el-Badri, leader of the Coalition, has demanded that President Mohammed Mursi take action against Gohari - returning him to prison would be a good start - and has threatened to bring legal action against the government if it remains supine.
I fear the threat is an empty one: even if the government allowed the prosecution to be launched, there is not a judge in the country who would find the new rulers guilty of anything.
That, I think, is a shame. Not only will the poor of Egypt suffer if tourism dries up - as it infallibly will if the ancient monuments are destroyed or the peace is further disturbed by roaming mobs of fanatics - but the sort of Islam promoted by Gohari will cast a black pall across the country.
As our tour coach travels through the villages around Luxor we note that many houses are decorated with pictures of aeroplanes, trains and ships, mosques and the holy Ka'aba, a symbol that the man of the house has been on pious pilgrimage to Mecca. Once Gohari has eradicated the ancient wall paintings, his next target will be these innocent expressions of pride and joy. No music, no dancing, no wedding pictures of happy couples or photographs of babies, none of Egypt's beautiful women walking in the streets or smiling at you from behind counters, only ignorance, superstition and blind fanaticism in their place.
And the tragedy is that just as the majority of Christians wanted no part in Cromwell's strict Puritanism and the majority of Chinese loathed Mao's Little Red Book, so the majority of Muslims fear Gohari and his ilk almost as much as we do. They want to sing and dance, to be free to enjoy life, to be treated with dignity and respect. If they call for Sharia Law it is only because the present laws which govern them have been applied so unfairly and the poor fools think that Sharia will be fairer and most just.
If the sad sight of the gash in the side of Menkaure's pyramid teaches us anything, it is that the only thing about which we should be fanatical is opposing fanaticism. Enjoy life yourself and let others enjoy it too in their own individual ways - or, as Jesus said, "Whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye even so to them."
© Kendall K. Down 2012
