Chapter 18


From the edge of the village we could see the black houses of Capernaum on the shore of the lake below us and I knew that even I could walk that far by midday. Midday! Another half a day and I would be well - or could be well, if this Rabbi Yeshua was indeed a miracle worker. I set off down the path as fast as I could walk, but soon outran my strength and had to sit on a stone, almost weeping with frustration, until I had recovered my breath.

"Slowly, Madam," Antiope said as she helped me rise. "One step at a time, Madam, and we'll get there. You've come a long way already, don't spoil things by trying to run."

Oh how those minutes dragged as I staggered and stumbled down the path, a hundred paces at a time before I had to sit and rest. The sun grew hotter and the cool breeze from the lake died away, and still Capernaum seemed no nearer, yet when I said as much to Antiope she pointed behind us.

"We've come a long way, Madam. Look how far away Chorazin is."

I didn't dare pause to look, but the next time I stopped to rest I looked back up the hill and it was true. By my measuring we were half way there, for both villages seemed as far away as each other.

"I hope this Rabbi Yeshua can heal me," I said, doubt and despair in my voice, "for if he can't, there is no way I can walk back up that hill. I'll just have to die down here."

"I'm sure he can heal you, Madam," Antiope answered, a little too quickly and I saw the doubt in her eyes.

"Come on," I said, struggling to my feet. "He can't heal me until we find him."

It was indeed midday or close to it when we finally reached Capernaum and the sense of achievement bore me up past the first houses and half-way down a narrow lane, but then I had to sit and rest, pressing myself close to the hot black stone of the house wall to gain the meagre noon shade it offered.

"We've made it," I panted, but there was triumph in my voice. "We've really made it."

"Yes, Madam," Antiope grinned at me. "Now all we've got to do is find this Rabbi Yeshua." She paused and looked around. "Do you think you could make it down to that tree, Madam?"

I looked down the narrow street. Only another twenty or thirty paces further there was a scraggly fig tree growing out of the wall and its leaves offered the only shade. There was even a large stone underneath the tree, as if others found rest in its shadow.

I shut my eyes and let myself relax for a moment, then held out my hands to Antiope.

"Help me up," I asked.

Antiope pulled me to my feet and I leaned on her as I walked that last little way.

"Here, Madam," Antiope said as she helped me sit down on the stone. "You stay here. I won't be long, I'm sure. This isn't a large place, not like home."

I nodded and watched as she walked briskly down the narrow alley between the houses. The lane must have turned a corner, for there was no view of the blue lake at the end, only a black stone wall. I leaned back against the wall and let its warmth soak into my bones. A gust of wind blew up the street, stirring the leaves of the fig tree and bringing with it the sound of people busy in the market place, which must be just beyond that blank wall.

I lifted my head and stared down the lane, my curiosity aroused, for the noise of the crowd seemed to be getting louder, even though the breeze had died away. In fact, it seemed as if the crowd was coming towards me. I stirred uneasily, for if a caravan of porters or pack animals, laden with fish, came past there was little room to spare in this narrow alley. I would have to stand and press myself against the wall and even then it would be a tight squeeze, for I could just about reach out and touch the other side of the alley.

It was the children who came first, half a dozen grubby urchins in filthy clothes running backwards up the lane towards me. Behind them came a crowd that filled the alley from side to side, some of them also walking backwards, their attention focused on something or someone yet out of sight. I scrambled to my feet, drew my head scarf across my face and stood back against the wall, the stone between me and them. I hoped it would save me from being swept off my feet by the mob.

Suddenly a familiar face appeared, Antiope thrusting her way through the crowd of men like a swimmer breasting a strong current. She shoved the last two men out of her path and shouted something that I couldn't hear over the chatter and hum of the crowd. As soon as she was clear she ran to me and grabbed my arm.

"Madam! It's him! It's Rabbi Joshua!"

"Who? Where?" I demanded, horrified at the size of the crowd he had brought with him. "I thought you were going to arrange a private ..."

"This isn't my doing, Madam," Antiope protested. "I didn't bring him; he was coming anyway."

"Which one is he?" I asked, mollified.

"That one," Antiope pointed. "The one in the tunic sort of thing, the tall one. Look, he's talking to that little fat man."

I stared but for a long moment I couldn't see him; then, as they came closer, I spotted him, a tall, gaunt looking man, quite young for a healer. By his side trotted a stout man in expensive white robes that contrasted strangely with Rabbi Joshua's peasant homespun.

"His shadow, Madam," Antiope hissed in my ear. "Remember? If his shadow touches you, you will be healed. That's what the woman said last night."

"Silly girl!" I snapped. "There's no shadow at noonday." Despite the crush, he was almost up to me now and I had to think fast. "I know! I'll touch his clothes."

I don't know whether I said that last bit aloud, but I certainly thought it, for if he really was the miracle worker they all claimed, the mere touch of his clothes should do it. No need for tedious, shameful explanations, no need to risk him turning away because I was a woman and a gentile and unclean into the bargain. Just a touch ... just a touch.

I pushed myself away from the wall, conscious as I did so that my mouth was dry with fear or excitement and my heart was hammering in my chest. He was directly opposite me now and I simply reached out my hand and let my fingers brush against the back of his robe and ...

For a moment the world stood still. For a moment I didn't know, didn't understand, didn't comprehend what had happened. It was like when you have been swimming in the baths and there is water in your ear and you can't hear anything and then the water drains out and suddenly you can hear clearly. It was like opening the shutters in a dark room and letting in the light of noonday. It was like - well, I don't know what it was like. All I knew was that I was healed.

I knew that I was healed! There was no mistaking the feeling. The exhaustion was gone, that overwhelming weakness and tiredness, gone in the winking of an eye and in its place I felt like dancing and running and shouting and laughing for joy. I whirled to tell Antiope the good news and saw her face and the horror in it. I glanced behind me to see what she was looking at and froze.

The mob wasn't moving. Rabbi Joshua had stopped and half turned, looking back over his shoulder. Puzzled, the crowd had fallen silent and in the hush Rabbi Joshua spoke. It was a soft voice, pleasant and melodious, but it filled me with heart-stopping dread.

"Who touched me?" Rabbi Joshua asked.

There was a titter from the crowd and several people shifted away from him, looking guilty and fearful. I swayed back against the wall and instinctively drew my headscarf across my face, seeking to hide behind its anonymity.

One of the men nearest Rabbi Joshua, an older man with a bald head, laughed abruptly.

"Who touched you, Rabbi?" he cried. "Why, look at the crowd - they're all touching you! What do you mean, who touched you?"

I felt almost weak with relief. Of course, with so many people jostling in the narrow alley there must have been dozens who touched him. There was no reason why he should pick on me.

Rabbi Joshua shook his head and his eyes scanned the crowd behind him and then his eyes met mine and locked.

"No," he said softly, looking directly at me. "Someone touched me. I felt power go out of me."

Behind me I heard Antiope gasp, but I couldn't take my eyes away from his, even though I tried. I tried to close my eyes, to shut him out, but I couldn't even do that. For a long moment I stood stock still, my mind racing. He knew! The divine power within him, the power that had healed me at a touch, had pointed to me as the culprit and doubtless had also given him my secret - that I, triply unclean as a woman, a gentile and because of my disease, had dared to touch him, dared to defile him.

I waited dumbly for him to curse me, knowing that the power that had brought healing from his God could also bring wrath and punishment from his God. I knew, beyond any doubt, that as soon as he spoke the crowd, that mob of bigoted, angry Jews, who hate foreigners and gentiles and Romans, would descend upon me, kicking and hitting and spitting. I could only hope that the end would be quick and that I wouldn't suffer much - but oh, how bitter to find death just when I had found healing.

But still he looked at me and slowly the realisation dawned on me that he wasn't angry! There was a softening of his lips and a spark of warmth in his eyes that gave me hope. Trembling, I took a step forward and sank to my knees.

"Sir, I touched you."

His eyebrows lifted and his lips curved into a definite smile. With astonishment I realised that far from being in danger, I had never been safer - and as relief flooded over me I couldn't help myself blurting out my story, the years of weakness and shame, the loss of my husband, the poverty, the endless search for healing, the long weary walk to Capernaum.

"Daugher," he said, interrupting me, "your faith has healed you. Go in peace."

And with that he turned and set off up the alley and the crowd surged after him. A moment later and we were alone and Antiope crept up behind me and touched my shoulder.

"Are you all right, Madam? I thought for sure they were going to kill us."

She burst into tears and I leaped to my feet and embraced her, mothering her as she had mothered me all the long way down from Paneas.

"There there," I crooned, stroking her head and pressing it against my shoulder. "There there. It's all right, it's all wonderfully all right."